Looking for it ....... Happiness !

I do not know how many of us get this feeling that everything we have done or so called “accomplished” in life is a big fat lie~! At least I suffer from this pretty regularly. It really does not matter, how much cash you are making or which big car you are driving or which swanky corporate you work with. The real stunner of a question is “are you happy”? Not the look-in-the-mirror-after-an-appointment-of-oh-so-expensive-hair-dresser happy but the kind of happiness you once might have experienced when you got an award in third standard for being the brightest kid in the class, for the very first time in your life. (For those like me who didn’t get any…mere dreaming about it would be enough to bring a huge grin.)

As I sit in my so called “cool-very-corporatish” office, I look at the world around me… and only view I get is the top the heads (some bald patches, some fuzzy streaks) busily stooped over their computer screens typing away furiously. I wonder what do they type? No greetings from the colleagues, (don’t even talk about the cheers…) only noise I can hear is from a very complicated James Bond’s vending machine. Damn thing is as complicated as Bond’s gadgets and watches!

People around are carrying buckets of attitude and the sense of being damn busy (as if world peace depends on their fragile shoulders.) To make it worse one has to constantly push and monitor other guy’s work, progress... like I have just adopted an autistic dog from a state owned, rural based run down animal shelter! And not just one autistic dog like that many other dogs and cats and donkeys and whatever they are called... I do not wish to waste my (non) finite source of my thinking energy, the bottom line is it all seem pretty stupid to me. It is feeling of emptiness of being wasted. Try as I can, am not able to get rid of this feeling.

It is thanks to this feeling of hollowness, which has made me think about me, myself, what am I like as a person…my personality my ambitions, the one thing (many things) that is truly important to me. If this corporate fever wouldn’t have gripped me I would be still an executive in this huge agency, not bothered about anything in life…just like a lazy cat. Would be dreaming of writing and creating my own blog and wishing to shift to the client side (ad agency speak)!

So answer my question of being happy… I would say, as of now NO. I am the most miserable person imaginable in your own personal hell… but hey it’s ok… at least now I know what is my forte, my strengths and my weakness, what NOT to do/try even if great promises of wealth and gold awaits and how to work with my limitations and profit from it.

Happiness is present all over the universe. It all depends on how you go about pursuing it. I think more importantly where you go about pursuing it- inwards or outwards. So they say whatever happens, happens for good, yes being rotten for time being will have certain benefits in the future.